The dynamics of the modern day relationship requires a greater investment by both Mars and Venus—Neither Sex should be allowed to have their cake and eat it too.
First and foremost, compromise should always be about understanding the advancement and well being of one another and should ALWAYS be consistently reciprocated. I threw out that OG handbook long ago. In my estimation, the 'Modern Man' should be self sufficient, able to provide, cook and clean up after himself. There are only a few specifics I need from a Woman and if she can't uphold her end of the bargain? KICK ROCKS!! I'm good! I'm not into charity cases or coupling with a selfish, sense of entitlement prone individual who will ruin me if I love her. The level of understanding should be negotiated with the same ramifications as a business deal. Terms are subject to change, but any change needs to be mutually agreed upon before they go into effect. A partner CANNOT switch shit up or do what they feel like doing whenever they feel like doing it just because they are distressed or feel incapable of living up to the agreed upon terms.
If a Man wants to have a boy’s night out, cool. However, at the very least some type of exception should be automatically granted or "banked" for future use for his mate. That's just a given in my book. If a woman feels like going on a spending spree and F's up the budget because she is "distressed" she has to inherently know sacrifices will have to be made in order to rectify her recklessly imposed deficit on the union. At the end of the day compromise = understanding and mutual sacrifice. One cannot begin to claim adherence to these principles unless they have an in depth comprehension of those words.
Notice I didn't even delve into scenarios of infidelity? That is because those are DEAL BREAKERS. Even emotional/social {i.e. Facebook} indiscretions are unforgivable and UNACCEPTABLE!! The contract is null and void!
Once you commit in my estimation you are one with each other and the rough patches should forge a stronger bond, not grant excuses to step out on your commitment—but that's just me.
TMN Contributor: Blaq Ops
Compromising in a relationship-how far is too far?
Let me just start out by saying in my experience it seems like women are much more prone to or likely to compromise before a man will (I will go into further detail with this one later, so gentlemen, please don’t hyperventilate just yet!) Is this an inherent inborn nature of a woman? Are we more likely to play that supportive role where we tend to sacrifice our own happiness in order to make our man happy?
I have seen so many women just drop everything and “follow” a man without a second thought. When I was younger I always looked at them with a judgmental and discerning eye, “What the hell is WRONG with you?? Why on earth would you ever give up your dreams for a man???” Then came my “surprise” pregnancy at 24 with a man I barely knew. In hindsight and my son aside, I should have run for my life, literally. Without going into too much unnecessary detail, within three years I managed to allow my essential self, my goals and my WOMANHOOD to go to hell in a handbag. I think a million different women depending on their own personal walk in life could answer this question A MILLION different ways. It totally depends on the context of exactly which aspect of the relationship you are talking about.
From day one I was raised by my parents (my Mom is a part-time feminist from the 60’s) who drilled into my that I am not to take “crap” from any man and certainly should never give up my own dreams and aspirations in order to suit the needs or wishes of one. When you hear this from the time you are a little girl it’s rather hard not to digest and internalize it. I spent my early twenties keeping myself locked tighter than Ft. Knox while feeling conflicted on the inside at the same time. As I have grown older I have become comfortable with who I am as a woman and what I do and don’t want. I’m not afraid to do special things for a man I care about such as cooking, cleaning or going out of my way to surprise him with something special out of fear that it will compromise my integrity and respect as a woman. I know myself well enough at this point that I would never be with a man whose intentions are questionable and would lend itself to that. My three-year marriage taught me worlds about my own limitations and strengths. I would never expect someone to compromise on something that I would never compromise on myself. You can’t expect a person to give what you aren’t willing to give yourself.
As far as women being more prone to compromising, that refers to things such as being a stay at home Mom. How many men are willing to stay at home so their wives can pursue their dreams and careers? They are out there, no doubt, but exactly how many do you personally know? How many men are willing to relocate because their significant other was offered a better lead on a job to further their career? What about household chores? I know an awful lot of very clean, well-kept single men however; when the ring goes on the finger they suddenly acquire a case of amnesia as to where the mop and broom are located. Again, I realize this doesn’t apply to ALL men however; I have seen AND had men admit this to me more often than not. As a matter of fact I will go so far as to say that I have talked with men that will straight up admit they refuse to have any part in housework or cooking. Those would be men that made me get my Nike’s on and throw up my deuces. I certainly don’t mind doing my share but taking over the role of someone’s mother is not my idea of a fun or working relationship.
So what exactly is compromise? Sacrifice. Bending. Agreement. Understanding. Teamwork. Communication. GROWTH. When you are with the right person there really shouldn’t be an issue of “too far”. Someone who has your best interest at heart would never expect anything from you or ask you to do something that would conflict with you and change you for the worse.
My one line, final answer would be: When compromising in a relationship conflicts with that which you are, your “essential” self and core in any shape or form, it’s too far.
TMN Contributor: Naomi Evans