It was exactly 1 year ago from today when I met her in person for the first time. A breathe of fresh air, a beautiful spirit, an amazing character. A perfect combination of grace & beauty, she immediately presented an extraordinary aura that was nothing short of effervescent. I gasped when hearing her speak of her experiences and aspirations. Matching my own, we spoke of similar ideologies and perseverance’s for living life to its fullest. A sense of solace came over me that spoke volumes to my heart. It told me that I no longer had to reserve a connection with a woman, that I could actually find comfort in letting myself become one part of two lives. The feeling was overwhelming, yet I kept my cool.
In the days past I was consumed with the time I was spending with her. Though often thought of as “moving too fast’, hastily I was realizing that she was someone that captured the very essence of my feelings of love for another person. I found myself in a state of excitement everyday, thinking about her when I wake and laid my head to rest. Anxious about the next time I will be seeing her, sharing a moment of laughter, speaking with her, and all the moments we shared was something special to me. The feelings I had for her gave me life, a new happiness that made me feel that there was nothing more I could ask for in this gift of a person given from God. Often I have found myself in the past asking God to bring me someone I could see myself spending the rest of my days with. I never dared ask for details, just a special someone that when it was presented to me I would just undoubtedly know. Then came & entered the beautiful gift of her! I truly thanked the lord for bringing her in my life and often found myself saying, “man don’t you dare do anything that would display a lack of gratitude for the gift of meeting her and having her in my life.”
As my feelings for her became stronger everyday I found myself wanting more and more. I wanted her in my life forever, so making her happy became a priority. I often wanted to do everything for her, give her the love that she deserved. As long as she was happy I was content with our life together. You know the saying a, “A happy wife a happy wife” I was gearing for, “A happy girl a happy world.” Life was beginning to look simple. There was never a dull day as long as I had her apart of it in someway. The simple thought of wrapping my arms around her embracing her in a hug made my day a whole lot better. Envisioning that alone-brought joy to my days and a smile to my face. I believed that it would never get complicated. This was easy love, making her happy was a hobby and I was good at it. There’s nothing I wouldn’t continue to do, or any length too great to meet to ensure her happiness, for her happiness influenced mine. I cringed when she experienced moments of sadness or unhappiness and wanted to be “the fixer”. I now know that I could not be the person that fixes everything. Sometimes it is your job to allow them to find a way to ensure their own happiness. In doing this I became uneasy, I began to make mistakes of the heart. Things like taking things personal and doubting the role I played in her life.
I use the analogy of nurturing a beautiful flower; let’s say an orchid when speaking about my feelings for her. You absolutely love this orchid because she shines with beauty, is pleasing to the eye and you never want to see it wither away. When you have this orchid it is your job to water it when needed in order to give her the required attention she needs. The problem that can develop with watering the orchid is that nurturance is to be given in moderation. If you water it to little it may begin to lose the ability to blossom from a lack of attention, and if you water it too much it can begin to receive overindulgence that may also cause it to drown from too much attention. The key is to find a perfect balance of nurturance. It is important to develop an understanding of the life of the orchid. Pay attention to her wants and needs without trying to dictate what she wants and needs. Take into consideration that she will be sure to let you know when she needs to be watered and when you are over doing it. When watering my orchid I felt that she needed more than I was providing her, thus contributing to our miscommunication. I began to fear a possible disconnect, and thought of all the things that were going wrong rather than all the things that were going right. I began to understand her better, yet was still making mistakes that were influenced by fear. I now know and strive to develop the ability to provide that perfect balance and love her unconditionally, uncertain if it is too late. I don’t plan to give up on true love because I realized that it is real when the mere thought of her contributes to my happiness. When I see her happy and see her smile I begin to tingle inside. “You give me butterflies”, I know a bit cheesy but true.
I am just a man who realizes that I am fully grateful for the all the times we share together. I have learned that love cannot be forced. It is just meant to “be”. Allowing things to take its course is important to remember when loving someone it is important to work towards a common goal in your romantic relationship. This requires both partners to work hard on communicating with each other and accepting one another’s ways of handling life. This allows you and your love to bring an even keel of expectations to the relationship. In this I realize that I was a fool to ever let her down. I am committed to her companionship and have learned to start with patience. Love is far from easy to understand the entirety of its essence, but it is worth the experience. So I say to love, thank you for being a part of my life again. You have brought a new energy, a new focus to my life that I will never forget & always uphold... To my fellow men, don’t pass up on the opportunity to show a woman that there are still a few good men in this world. Treat them like a precious orchid, a blessing, for it is good to be aware of good findings. It isn’t easy seeing the flaws or imperfections of love, but true love is unconditional and compromising; complimenting one another’s good parts & bad parts. I stand honorable to make an effort to stay in people’s lives no matter what happens. I continue to find muse in her smile, her happiness, and existence.
February 13, 2012
Written By: Vladimir E. Singer
Inspired by “Her”