The story of Amina and ANTHONY begins with love. They had lived together for a few years and for the most part were happy. ANTHONY had a son named David from a previous relationship that Amina loved and adored as her own but as the relationship grew, they began to grow apart.
ANTHONY had a dark secret about his family he wouldn't share or talk about with Amina. At times he would black out before lashing out at Amina as if an evil spirit possessed him. He would always yell and be irrational which would cause the relationship to have its ups and downs. Amina tired her best to make it work by taking his son David to school in the morning then picking him up after routinely. Her intentions were pure but her efforts would go unnoticed and at times unappreciated. The kinder she became the meaner he became.
ANTHONY, though he did have feelings for her, began to change. He became more self centered, detached, abusive and disrespectful towards Amina. He often made fun of her, and then would tell her she was too sensitive when offended. He spat in her face, and punched her in the nose once as she tried to talk to him about his behavior. She tried calling his parents to complain but it fell on deaf ears. He had been in abusive relationships in the past so it wasn't anything new to them. She began to fight back after being provoked and choked him once but it only made him more angry. During the fight when she had him in a compromising position, he looked in her eyes & said he wanted her to kill him as she was choking him. As she backed off afraid of the consequences that would follow, she apologized and would always try to reconcile because she truly loved him, she just wanted him to change.
As time passed the love began to fade Amina sacrificed her career in music for a dead end job as a waitress to be available for his son and ANTHONY. While ANTHONY had a corporate job that made more money, Amina supported him by providing a home that she owned for ANTHONY and his son. Yet ANTHONY while taking on-line classes to achieve his BA in marketing, would complain about having to work, study, and being a parent was taking a toll.
ANTHONY would often tell her that he feared she would leave him one day if he didn't change & although he promised to never hit her again, he did and would often tell her that she always provoked it. The more she tried to make it work the more he would disrespect and treat her like she was beneath him. He told her he didn't want to have kids, and wasn't sure they would even be together after he finished school. He then began to take trips alone without her, hang out with his friends all night and not come home until morning. His pattern began to change & her instincts felt that he was cheating, but she had no proof and continued to trust & have faith. He began to not attend church with her & his pursuit of power was his only focus.
Then one day he told her that he was going to his brother’s birthday party across town. Since she had to work late and couldn't attend that he might sleep over and come home the next day since the distance was far & he might have a few drinks it made sense not to drive. When he did come home the next morning Amina noticed he was more distant than before and as she tried to make love to him, he pulled away & turned her down. She wanted to talk about it and didn't understand why he was so distant, then an argument began. Tired & frustrated Amina had enough & told ANTHONY that if he was no longer happy, that he should leave.
Enraged, ANTHONY threw his phone & hit Amina in her temple. As she sat down from being dazed, ANTHONY began to yell & scream at her about how much he hated & didn't want her in his life any more. When she recovered, she stood to her feet and asked that he leave by directing him out the house as she began to push him out the door. He then punched her in the nose and so the fight began. They struggled for a while then fell to the floor where Amina tried to restrain him from hitting her until he punched her vagina with brute force. Then after being attacked & disrespected for so long, Amina had enough! All the built up emotions caused her to go off on ANTHONY like a bat out of hell. She punched him back and left visible marks as her rage overcame her in such a way that she didn't care anymore. The relationship was over!
Sadly Amina went to jail from the domestic dispute and do to the marks ANTHONY had obtained from the scratches & bite marks, he was mostly seen as the victim. She could have pursued the matter by pressing charges from the few visible marks that she had, and the potential damage to her vagina from his punches as she had traces of blood in her urine sample that was required while incarcerated, but knew his government job would be in jeopardy and that it would ultimately affect his son and chose not to. Meanwhile ANTHONY while Amina was in jail, moved out and continued the relationship with a married woman whom he was having an affair with towards the end of their relationship. The other woman who was a doctor named Dana, knew all about Amina as ANTHONY would tell her details about their troubled relationship. Dana, feeling sympathetic, provided ANTHONY and his son with a home where they continued their love affair as Amina sank into a deep depression.
ANTHONY’s family, who once adored Amina, now saw her as their enemy & encouraged ANTHONY to leave her & move on. Amina nearly lost everything. ANTHONY took the dogs, the furniture and began to live & enjoy life with his no longer secret lover. Amina's faith was tested & her love & commitment to God kept her strong. Amina forgave ANTHONY after knowing the truth but ANTHONY didn't care and continued to disrespect her with every encounter they had thereafter. Amina eventually found peace and like a ladybug, lucky she had enough faith to let go & let God be the love of her life. She had a new found understanding of anger & karma that kept her aware & conscience of her behavior & learned from the experience.
Now as you come to the conclusion of this story I'm sure your feelings for Amina are sympathetic and most women would feel the opposite about ANTHONY. But what if I told you that ANTHONY 's character was really a woman & Amina was a man in real life?
Would you feel the same?
The Gemini Story.
From the up and coming book "How He Became" by Anthony Mrx
He was a perfect example of a strong, intelligent, and wise man. His parents were married for over 20 years and had a good family upbringing. He was a dedicated member of his church where he mastered his consciousness to be aware of his words and actions. He was kind, generous, clean and loved to cook. He was trust worthy, loyal, and a good friend. His family had a catering business where he learned how to cook and to be of service to others. His name was Andrew.
Andrew, while out with some friends at a night club met Suenell, a slim attractive woman who caught his eye. They exchanged numbers, went out on a few dates and fell in love. They were young and innocent but had a lot in common. Their fathers who knew each other before they met were close friends when they were young. Andrew and Suenell both attended to the same grade school when they were younger and didn't even know it. The both enjoyed sex together and would always climax at the same time every time. They were married first then lived together all within two years.
Suenell whose parents were not together, affected her outlook on relationships and a dark secret was revealed that would later shatter her understanding of love. Her views began to change and her attitude towards Andrew began to change with it. Suenell felt tied down and wanted to go out with her friends more. She didn't like to be at home and spend time with Andrew who was more conservative. She didn't truly understand Andrew's belief and dreaded going to church every Sunday. Suenell, though faithful and loyal to Andrew, started to feel trapped. Her desire for other men began to develop after becoming addicted to porn.
Years flew by and throughout the relationship Suenell was faithful. It wasn't until she became fully aware of her parents dark secret that she began to loose faith and trust in men. Her views of love and commitment were shattered and began to last out at Andrew. They began to argue over little things like whose turn it was to wash the dishes and who should make the bed in the morning. Still Andrew steadfast, prayed night and day for Suenell because he truly loved her unconditionally. Till one day Suenell broke his heart.
Her addiction got the best of her and since she could no longer live with the guilt of being unfaithful, began to disrespect him. She would purposely start fights to get Andrew to leave but Andrew didn't budge. His love for Suenell was true and began to be an example of how a committed man should should stand by his wife for better or for worst. But Suenell had enough. Once they moved into a new home that Suenell had purchased from her 401k, she never put Andrew on the deed and since they were married, she never bothered to add him on from the advice she was given to "never let your left hand know what your right is doing". Andrew never questioned it because he trusted and loved her which would latter be his down fall.
Once secured with a new corporate job that paid over $40,000 a year Suenell decided it was time for a divorce. Her selfish need to fulfill her desires and wants became overwhelming. Andrew agreed but had faith that Suenell would change her mind. She never did and even told his mother that she no longer loved him and didn't want to waste her time with someone she didn't love. She felt in her heart that if she truly loved him she would have been faithful. It wasn't until the end of their relationship where Suenell lost faith after learning about her parents dark secret that she fell victim to temptation and knew that Andrew was to good of a man for her to continue to hurt him, so she chose divorce. The marriage was over.
Andrew was the perfect example for Suenell of what unconditional love is but his love wasn't enough for her. Karma would have to teach her. Andrew was hurt, embarrassed, and devastated. He began to change. From the up and coming book "How He Became"
There once was a story about a beautiful woman who met a gorgeous guy (my husband) who was really attracted to and into her, and how she screwed it up. What's the moral of the story? We all want to be loved, and if we don't have that self-love authentically inside, we'll do what it takes to get it, even at the cost of a potentially loving connection. Without being grounded in our own authenticity and self-esteem (the source of real confidence) we can sabotage a really great relationship.
How else do we mess up? Once we master being confident in who we are - simple gender differences. We treat men like they're women. Based on our feelings about our self which are complex, and how we think other people should respond to us, we will judge a man's behavior by our own self-perceptions and from our feminine perspective. We're super in touch with our feminine feeling-side, like a hypnotic suggestion she whispers in our psyche: I want to be loved and I want you to feel loved, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I'm super in touch with my emotions. Problems can happen when we're out of touch with our own animus, or masculinity. And problems can happen when we assume that other people, including men, are just as in touch with their emotions as we are.
In a twist on the last example, here's how it goes down: a girl friend of ours, spying a hot picture of Angelina Jolie on a magazine cover, asks us in a tentative insecure voice, 'do you think she's pretty?' Now, as a woman we immediately register the nuances of this question and go on emotional red alert. We will say something to make our friend feel better. We'd probably avoid answering the question honestly. But ask a guy? He'd just tell the truth. 'She's one smoking super hot mama!' Our woman might feel rejected by this comment, dwell on his insensitivity, and maybe even ruin a good thing. Yet he was just being honest.
Mistaking their sex for ours happens over and over in different variations. One reader talked about a friend of hers who mistook sex (Mars) for intimacy (Venus) was shocked when her boyfriend didn't honor the level of care she thought was appropriate to their close-ness, with a specific birthday gift. In addition to mistaking sex with intimacy, she was also expecting him to do exactly what she would do. What woman would neglect a birthday wish?!
Venus is identified with others, the element water (emotions) so the feminine is comfortable in the realm of emotions and sensitivity. This makes her exceptional at adapting to who others need us to be, and we do this all the time (and if you don't think we do this, you're just not being honest!). Mars is identified with the self, the element fire (mental instinct) so the masculine is comfortable in the realm of thought and independence. This makes him exceptional at being independent, i.e. not adapting to others. Together, it's a beautiful dance of balance -- imagine what would happen if the world were missing either.
So in varying degrees 'tis true: men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Yet as nothing in life is so neatly divided down the middle- there are super-sensitive men and exceptionally ballsy women. The goal of being an integrated human being is possessing both, within the self, in a balanced way. The interplay between the two forces is the timeless relationship dance of the sexes, each intent on giving each other what the other doesn't possess, balancing receptivity and emotions with independence and rationality and vice versa.
We just need to remember that the feminine response is different from the masculine, and when viewed through that self-perception specific to the female mind, women make unfair judgments about men. It's why women wonder, 'He was my prince charming until he said or did that, what was up with that?' And it's why many a man has that thought -- 'Well, everything started out perfect and then she changed.'
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